How to make sure you arent dating a racist gay guy

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  1. An Open Letter To Gay, White Men: No, You're Not Allowed To Have A Racial Preference | HuffPost
  2. White washing
  3. An Open Letter To Gay, White Men: No, You're Not Allowed To Have A Racial Preference

It's strange just how much the white norm is the standard for many people in the gay community.


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If you're far from that standard for any reason, you're written off by many groups. It's stressful. I was once at a party with two couples, and a male friend of theirs who I didn't know were at a party. My friends started making hints at me and that other guy, because we were both single, so that we could start talking and getting to know each other.

I was already starting to get interested because he was really attractive, but he closed up completely and didn't want to chat with me at all. So I asked him why and he said, 'I don't like black guys; I can't stand black people. I cried a lot when I got home.

I always get invited to meet in secret places, just with the intention to have sex. Whenever I have sex, I feel that the guy treats me like a fetish and then I'm discarded. When I was 19, I went out with a white guy who would only go out with me in secret or after parties. I deluded myself and thought that the relationship with him could evolve, but he dumped me at an event to go out with a white guy. I was really angry and when I went to confront him, he said to my face that 'he would never date a black guy. This post was translated from Portuguese.

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An Open Letter To Gay, White Men: No, You're Not Allowed To Have A Racial Preference | HuffPost

Responses have been translated and edited for clarity. They also found that the least contacted groups were black women and Asian men. And as if it wasn't interesting enough, black African men were unlikely to contact black African women. So, if black men aren't even looking at sisters in Australia based on these stats, the chances of dating within one's race by preference take a significant hit.

I also met people that had specific racial preferences, and either dated only within their race or specifically sought out people of another race.

White washing

The reasons varied, from unfamiliarity with certain races and cultures, to just down to what they found themselves attracted to. Is it racist then to have a racial preference, you ask? Surely, it's the same as preferring brunettes or tall men, right? Experts studying behaviour have found that we tend to repeat real-life behaviour of self-segregating online.

That is, for whatever reasons we don't interact with certain groups offline, we also repeat this behaviour online — even though the barriers that exist in the offline aren't there online. And it's this collective behaviour that sees repeated outcomes for certain groups that constitutes as racist behaviour.

Racism is Alive and Well in the Gay Community

On an individual level, it may seem innocent enough. But the fact that figures suggest that certain groups are missing out because of their race means we have to look at the situation more closely. When we don't acknowledge racism in our communities, we can't be too surprised to see its manifestations in our dating lives, too.


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  5. There is good news, though — many of the experts I spoke to for Date My Race talked about how we have been socialised to be attracted to certain groups, whether it's within our own race or outside of it. And because it's something we learn to do, we can also unlearn whatever ideas we may have about certain groups of people. And it's made me wonder — is it only women of colour who question their race when crushing on a white guy?


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    7. I once flirted with a young man who was a pilot. He constantly asked if we could spend more time together. Later I found out that he'd been calling other Aboriginal people in the area 'boongs'. Learning this put me in a difficult spot. Was I an experiment?

      Did he think I was one of the 'good Aboriginals'? I've since learnt that some things aren't so easy to understand, especially when it comes to dating. It's not like I can go to the library and read up on it, what would I even look for?

      One of my biggest fears when meeting a white fella is their potential lack of cultural awareness. These days when I'm considering dating a guy that's not Aboriginal, I have a shopping list of questions I'd like answered first:.

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      An Open Letter To Gay, White Men: No, You're Not Allowed To Have A Racial Preference

      Throughout history, Aboriginal women and many white women also have had to protect themselves from white men. In the words of Malcolm X: Well damn! The same could be said for Australia. There's still a sense that Aboriginal women aren't as beautiful or deserving of love and respect than other women. This year an old clip of South African comedian Trevor Noah criticising the appearance of Aboriginal women surfaced — this man of colour was ridiculing us black women!

      Also, there's a bunch of cringe-worthy sexual stereotypes to navigate. How dreadful to have to negotiate the saying, "Once you go black, you never go back".